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fanmix: a big, big love

Title: 'A Big, Big Love'
Fandom: Skins, Series 5
Subject: Rich/Grace, romantic pairing
Genres of music: Alternative, Rock, Pop, Indie, Folk
Warnings: None, really
Disclaimer: None of this is mine except for the cover art.
Notes: A collection of 18 songs that I enjoy and that make me think of Rich/Grace (or any romance, really). Hope you enjoy the mix!

download here

fic: a big, big love

Title:'A Big, Big Love
Author: finurtchel
Rating: PG-13 (just in case)
Warnings: a little sad..
Disclaimer: I do not own Skins or the songs.
Summary: Follows a linear format, is told in sections alongside each song in the fanmix, exploration of Rich and Grace's romantic story; doesn't really relate to the plot of the series; it's only snapshots of little moments.
Author's Comments: I really hope you enjoy reading it alongside the fanmix. I only wrote it tonight, so it's maybe a little rough and maybe it won't make sense to anyone, but anyway I hope you like it and if not, I hope you just like the fanmix. Please comment, I would really appreciate it and all mistakes, if any, are only mine.


a big, big love


I've been waiting

I've been waiting for this moment all my life

It's just a matter of time

To appear sad

With the same 'ol decent lazy eye
Vexed to rest on you
Aim free but so untrue

She noticed him from afar; that thick, heavy mock of hair covering most of his precious face. His jeans hang lose, almost falling off his skinny hips, and he was surrounded by black. She looked down at herself at her white, pink and yellow clothes; he would never like her, she thought. She was far too different. But she couldn’t help watching him. Her eye did it on its own accord now. She was right in what she’d been waiting for all her life.


A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes

I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map

And knew that somehow I could find my way back

Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too

So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

You left me in the dark

No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight

In the shadow of your heart

She approached him one day. He was lying on the grass, his earphones folded over his ears and his leg jumping to the music. He was deterred when he saw her standing over him and all as well told her that he wasn’t interested in her – ‘go away, princess.’ But she was persistent and she wanted badly to get to know him. So she helped him (without his approval) and the more time they spent together, the more she learnt about him. He looked tough and was usually sarcastic, but he was shy and gently on the inside. He unwillingly learnt more about her, too, and after awhile, much to his surprise, his feelings changed and he fell in love with her, too.


I'm on call

So be there

One and all

To be there

When I fall

To pieces

Don’t you know

I’ll be there waiting

I’ll come a running

I’m on call

They become inseparable. They were always holding hands, always willing to help each other whenever the other needed it. He felt strange all over, but he shook it off and felt the swell in his heart when she smiled up at him. He was there for her, always, and she was there for him.


Pack up

Don’t stray

Oh say, say, say

Your kinds my kind

I’ll stay the same


They don’t love you like I love you

Her friends and family didn’t like him much. She began to drift away, trying to please everyone, as usual, and in the process, losing them. He tried to keep her close, but she slipped, slipped down into the rabbit hole. It was unknown to him whether he would ever get his Angel back. He wished, he hoped. But he couldn’t be with her when she’d left him.


You electrify my life

Let’s conspire to ignite

All the souls that would die just to feel alive

Hold you in my arms

I just wanted to

Hold you in my arms

She missed him. He missed her. He just wanted to hold her and she him. But he was far away, in another world, a world she couldn’t really reach. It wasn’t real this world, but it was a barrier, a barrier between them and their love. A confinement of betrayal and misery.

Why did love seem so complicated? How long would this last?


If I lay here, if I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Let’s waste time, chasing cars, around our heads

I need your grace to remind me, to find my own

She asked him one night, as the lay on the grass under the tree, watching the stars. He said ‘yes, I do’, and she beamed and leaned over to whisper in his ear ‘me, too’, before closing the gap between their lips.


Circle me and the needle moves gracefully back and forth

If my heart was a compass, you'd be North

Risk it all 'cause I'll catch you if you fall

Wherever you go, if my heart was a house, you’d be home

She clung onto him, his face in her hands. ‘I love you’, she whispered, stroking his cheek and pushing him down onto the bed. She straddled him and he looked up at her, dreamily and smiley. She leant down and cascaded his neck with kisses. He shivered, goose-bumps filling him up. He reached over and grabbed her hand, resting it on his chest. ‘Feel how hard it beats for you’ he whispered. She giggled and pulled his hand to her heart, too.


So many fish there in the sea

I wanted you, you wanted me

Now I got a different view

It’s you…

I'm not your friend,

I never was

They chose each other. It didn’t make much sense, but they did. It didn’t feel like they were even friends in the beginning; it had almost leapt from nothing to everything. Sometimes he had doubts; sometimes he wasn’t sure what he was doing and sometimes she wasn’t either. But she had taught him that there was more to life than what he’d had before. More to his confined views, more to the world. She was a breath of air.


You are the light waiting in the dark.

You're real and untouched.

You're the attack waiting for a heart

Like mine to open up.

You saved the day, flew in like a dove.

I tried to stay up

And I can't believe who lies next to me.

I can't keep my eyes shut.

And where did you go dear?

I am alone in here.

I'm running but I'm stuck….

….I’m falling but I can’t get up

Take me there, take me where you are

‘Do you think that we would work?’ she asked him, in the beginning. He looked at her, shyly, before answering. ‘I don’t know. Do you want to try?’ She nodded and he said ‘that’s cool’ and so they began. Now, he still can’t believe it. His first girlfriend and someone like her. But in all honesty, she was perfect and he couldn’t believe his luck. He watches her sleep, unable to avoid the temptation of staring uncaught. He hopes she will never leave him, that they will always be this happy. He’s pretty sure he will never be able to stop.


And now it's just gone after dark

And we move to the other part of it

Secret part of your restless heart

It's your heart, it's your heart

That gives me this western feeling

She aims to show him the wonders of the world, the way she sees it. He watches her dance, he listens to something other than Metal, he accidentally get’s his hair cut a bit shorter, though that wasn’t any of her doing. She feels glad to have connected with him so nicely, to have influenced him so much. She likes that she is important to him; it makes her happier than anything she’s ever known. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t told her yet; she knows he doesn’t like to talk about emotions, much, but she can tell. She can see his heart. She can see it all.


well this side of mortality is

scaring me to death

don't think about it at all

just keep your head low

don’t think about it all

soldier on, soldier on

keep your heart close to the ground

She’s gone, he thinks. Gone, for always, probably. He feels shocked. He knew he would always love her, but he hadn’t realised that her absence would splinter him so deep. He feels scared, scared of everything, scared of life. Sometimes, he even feels like he wants it all to be over… one cut… but he can’t do that. He has to keep going and maybe, just maybe, if he does that, she will come back.


Whenever I fall at your feet

And you let your tears rain down on me

Whenever I touch your slow turning pain

I fall at your feet

And you let your tears rain down on me

Whenever I fall

She calls him one night. He is surprised but that feelings pans immediately when he realises she is crying. Her voice is shaking, forming words he cannot understand. He shushes her and tells her ‘be there in five.’ He rushes over and she is soaked to the bone, standing outside in the rain. The rain is covering her tears, her eyes are bloodshot from crying. He runs to her, almost falling in the slick, and wraps his arms around her, holding her in.


We've been together

Ohh, we've been together

But separate’s always better when there's feelings involved

If what they say is 'nothing is forever',
Than what makes love the exception? 

Together. Apart. Still feels like they are together. They sit on separate coaches, staring at each other. ‘What now?’ She asks, but he doesn’t know how to reply. The music of silence fills the room, blocking words and stirring all tension and emotion between them.


But inside my heart there's a picture of a girl

Some call love a curse, some call love a thief

But she's my home

I'll taste the devil's tears

Drink from his soul, but I'll never give up you

He won’t give up on her, he says, gripping her hand. He tells her he loves her and she nods, believing him, as she should. They are so different, and maybe that is why they work. He won’t give up on that and she won’t either. Not again. Not ever.


Just tell me it’s tearing you apart

Just tell me you cannot sleep

And you didn't even notice

When the sky turned blue

And you couldn't tell the difference

Between me and you

And I nearly didn't notice

The gentlest feeling

You are the bluest light

They both have nightmares. Neither of them can sleep, so, without them both knowing it, they stay up together, behind separate walls, and listen to the silence. Their rooms are filled with blue light, and they want to be together again. They think about each other all night and in the morning, they both leap out of bed and walk to each other. The sky is blue and they are as bright as the sun.


Let me go home

Home is wherever I’m with you

They walked, hand in hand, through the streets, towards his house. It was time for their moment, their first time. His hand is sweaty and he wipes it on his jeans. Her hand slips in his and she tries to grip it tighter. They reach home and walk inside.


And my heart leapt out of its bars

Will tomorrow be much worse,

Is this love a blessing or a curse?

And all that I know

Is that I

I’ll never let you go

She wonders what would have happened if she had never approached him that day. Would she still be an un-experienced, full-hearted, unbroken girl? Or would her life be sad and unfulfilled, having not experienced him? It is better to be loved than not at all, right? She whispers ‘I will never let you go’ out to the sky, hoping that he will hear it.


Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
A big, big love

Dear Grace,

I never stopped loving you.

Will you be mine again?

Love Rich


Dearest Rich,






ficmix: a big, big love

Title: 'A Big, Big Love' 
Fandom: Skins, Series 5
Subject: Rich/Grace, romantic pairing
Genres of music: Alternative, Rock, Pop, Indie, Folk
Warnings: None, really
Disclaimer: None of this is mine except for the cover art.
Notes: A collection of 18 songs that I enjoy and that make me think of Rich/Grace (or any romance, really). Hope you enjoy the mix! 


 The fic:
Title:'A Big, Big Love
Author: finurtchel

Rating: PG-13 (just in case)
Warnings: a little sad..
Disclaimer: I do not own Skins or the songs.
Summary: Follows a linear format, is told in sections alongside each song in the fanmix, exploration of Rich and Grace's romantic story; doesn't really relate to the plot of the series; it's only snapshots of little moments.
Author's Comments: I really hope you enjoy reading it alongside the fanmix. I only wrote it tonight, so it's maybe a little rough and maybe it won't make sense to anyone, but anyway I hope you like it and if not, I hope you just like the fanmix. Please comment, I would really appreciate it and all mistakes, if any, are only mine.
cut to my lj: a big, big love

fic: Peaches, chapter 8
Title: Peaches, Chapter Eight
Author: finurtchel
Rating: R (mainly to keep the whole story together as later chapters are the R parts)
Spoilers: none in this chapter, really.
Warnings: nothing, really....
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Summary: Finn is involved in a fender-bender while driving Kurt's car.

Author's Comments: I am so so sorry that this has taken so long to get written up! I've been so busy lately and I'm only only going to get busier. I am starting at university in a week so I am not even sure if I am going to continue with this story (damn I haven't even gotten to the R parts yet...), or if I do you won't be getting updates very regularly (I'd expect about 2 months between each chapter...) So this may be the last chapter, unless you're lucky and I get inspired to write more during my uni holidays, etc. I hope you enjoy this. I feel like my writing skills haven't improved and have rather gone downhill since I started writing this story, so I hope it isn't too bad! Mistakes are all my own, please review and let me know if you really think I should continue writing this story. Even some plot ideas or something might be nice to get me inspired for later! =)


I sit down on the bed beside Finn, eyeing him carefully. Though I know we’re both upset about Rachel and how sad she was – I’d never expected to be as sad as this about anything to do with Rachel, but there you were – I just wanted to lean over and kiss him. His lips were parted, inviting, the soft texture of them making my mouth water and my insides curl. But, for some reason, I can’t bring myself to just lean over and do it.

This is supposed to be a simple thing; I’d lean closer towards him and place my hand on his cheek and then in a time format that would seem like hours but would actually only be a few seconds, we’d lean closer and closer together until our lips met. My heart would flutter and his hands would reach up and hold the back of my head, bringing me closer into him as his lips began attacking mine passionately. I would feel his heartbeat matching mine as our chests press together, and would kiss until we fell backwards onto his bed…

But this is all in my head. This isn’t easy; this is taking a step into the void of the unknown, a scary place where you can never know what’s going to happen. I can see in Finn’s eyes that he cares about me and that he wants me to kiss him right now, but the pressure is too much and I’m not sure I can do it.
What if he doesn’t like it? What if, as soon as our lips meet, Finn tells me that he’s changed his mind, that this was a bad idea? What if nothing happens, what if there are no explosions of True Love deep inside my stomach (which I know is meant to happen when you kiss the One), what if I’ve made this all up in my head, what if, what if, what if…???

My chest is expanding and my heart feels like it’s going to fall out of my stomach somewhere; and it is this feeling that makes me uncontrollably slip from my position on the bed and onto the floor.

It’s quiet; my ears are blocked against the mumbling of Finn’s concerned voice so that I can’t understand a word that he’s saying. I’m hyperventilating. I try to speak but nothing comes out; I try to move but my limbs won’t work and my body feels too heavy. At least my mind seems to be working, I can give you that. I haven’t turned into a complete vegetable. But it’s kind of scary to be in an unmovable, soundless void… this is sort of like what being kidnapped in a boot of a car would feel like, I’d imagine. But I’m only in danger of myself.

After awhile and a lot of yelling voices above me, I feel a hand grab me under my arms and lift me up into the sunlight blasting through the window. I don’t remember much after that.

I wearily opened my eyes and yawned, getting that dizzy feeling of dis – dis - disorientation you get when you fall asleep during the day. I was propped up in the lounge room and the television was still blaring on about some car show or something. Groaning, I grabbed the remote somehow still sitting in my lap and switched it off.

My day and night had been a lot like this. Watch a movie, sleep, watch some TV, sleep, eat, eat, sleep, watch some TV… But thrown in to that mix was me continually feeling worried about Kurt. I haven’t seen him since he fainted on my floor; I’ve been ringing him a lot but he doesn’t answer and he hasn’t called me back.

Burt says he’s just sleeping, getting over the panic attack or whatever it was. But that’s not really reassuring me. I can’t help but feel like Kurt fainting is my fault. And I can’t help wondering why it would be my fault.

Mostly I just hope that he didn’t faint because he was… I dunno… disgusted about me or something. I mean, I was going to kiss him… but maybe he didn’t want me to. Maybe it was some kind of ploy to get himself out while he still could without anything actually happening…

That kept on going around in my head and it was making me incredibly nervous. And it was also making me feel incredibly dumb – even more than I usually am. If it was true, shouldn’t I have noticed that Kurt didn’t actually want to kiss me? Shouldn’t I have pulled the breaks?

Anyway… Kurt wasn’t talking to me and I felt like we were over before we’d really even started. It had only been one day, but dude, I’d called him like 100 times and still, no answer…

Guess he was telling me something, wasn’t he?


He kept on calling and I so badly wanted to answer him, but every time my phone rang and his name popped up on the screen, I would start feeling nauseous and couldn’t bring myself to answer. I just didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I mean, what kind of wimp faints just before they are going to be kissed by the man of their dreams? How was I supposed to explain, get all of the words out. It was so embarrassing and I didn’t want Finn to know how weak I am.

So, he kept calling and I kept not answering. My dad got really annoyed, as he kept having to deal with the ongoing ringing of “Defying Gravity” floating around the house. He kept glaring at me and asking me “why don’t you just answer the phone? It’s just Finn.”

That was the thing. It was Finn. And my dad had no idea how much that means to me. He didn’t know what was really going on between Finn and I and I really didn’t want him to find out. Not yet. He couldn’t understand what had happened and why I was having so much trouble with it. I couldn’t just go up to him and ask him, that would be a stupid move and it would make him suspicious.

The only option I’d had was Mercedes. I tell her everything and she’s known about my crush on Finn since the beginning, but she wasn’t very good at giving advice. She just said what dad was basically saying: “grow some balls and answer the goddamn phone and just talk to him, Kurt.”

But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

My phone rang and rang and I never picked up.


The sound of the doorbell woke me from my sleep this time. Mum wasn’t home so I sat up on the couch and yelled out “COME IN.”

I quickly reached up to neaten my hair, thinking that maybe it was Kurt and not wanting to look like a complete fool if it was.

It wasn’t.

“Heya, white-boy,” Mercedes said, walking in through the door and coming to sit down on the couch opposite me. “How ya doing?”

“I’m okay… I guess… what are you – ?”

“Kurt’s going crazy, Finn,” Mercedes interrupts, looking at me solemnly. “He keeps calling me and going on and on about what happened and I can’t let my sweetie suffer any longer. You got me?”

I frown. “This isn’t my fault… I keep calling but he never answers – “

Mercedes nods. “I know. He’s scared what you’re gonna say, he feels ashamed about what happened but… I came up with an idea.

He won’t answer the phone so the only other way for you to get him to listen to you is, seeing as you can’t really leave the house, a letter.”

“A letter?” I repeat, rubbing my eyes.

“That’s right, white boy.” She reaches behind her into her bag and pulls out a notebook of paper and a pen before handing to me.

“Go for your life.”

I took the pen and paper and stare down at them, dumbstruck. “Umm… thanks…. But… what am I supposed to write?”

Mercedes rolls her eyes. “Just write whatever you want to tell him on the phone. If you’re ringing him that much, I’m sure you’ve got a lot to say, right?”

I nod quickly. Mercedes is so intimidating.

I pick up the pen and after a moment begin to write.

I stare down at the piece of paper Mercedes just dropped off for me. It’s labeled with a small and scraggly “For Kurt” and quite neatly folded in quarters.

Hesitantly, my heart beating fast, I open the letter and begin to read.

“To Kurt,
Hey, it’s Finn. I hope you are okay. I am sorry that you fainted.
I’ve been calling you a lot – which you probably noticed – and I really want to speak to you.
But I guess writing a letter is almost as good, though I would love to hear your voice.
I’m sorry for trying to kiss you. I just really wanted to and I wasn’t thinking about what you might
want. If you don’t want to be with me, just tell me and I’ll understand.
I just want you to know that I really like you. I hope we can still be friends.
You’re so important to me and whatever you want is okay with me.
Please answer this. I’d like to hear from you.
From, Finn.”
I finish reading and I can't  breathe. I feel sick to my stomach with guilt. All this time of not talking to Finn I was only thinking about myself, I haven’t even thought about how he might be feeling about it. I had to set things right. Right now.


I was asleep again when the doorbell rang a few hours after Mercedes had left. I groaned, and called out “IT’S OPEN” thinking it was Mercedes again, come to say that Kurt wouldn’t read my letter because he hated me or something like that.

But it wasn’t Mercedes this time. It was Kurt.

My heart beat immediately sped up as soon as I saw him. I wiped my sweaty hands on my leg but my eyes didn’t leave his face.

He looked at me cautiously before turning around to quietly close the front door. Then he turned around and lifted his hand for hello before awkwardly walking over to sit down on the couch, his gaze not meeting mine. It was quiet and awkward for a moment before I came to my senses.

“Umm… hi Kurt… it’s nice to see you,” I said, smiling at him nervously even though he wasn’t even listening.

He smiled slightly and slowly lifted his head to look at me. His eyes looked kind of sad and his leg was jumping around, up and down and up and down, like he was just as nervous as me.

“It’s nice to see you, too, Finn” he whispered, looking at me straight on.

I nodded and bit my lip. “So… um… how have you been? Are you alright?”

Kurt nodded. “Umm… yeah… I’m fine now, thanks,” he said, nervously reaching up and flicking his hair. It was such a Kurt move that I actually snorted.

He glanced at me and raised an eyebrow, his lip twitching a little bit at my unintentional pig impression before he sighed and began to speak. “Finn… I came here to apologize… for being such an awful… um… friend.”

I almost winced at the word, but tried to cover it by replying “Oh, no, you haven’t been awful, Kurt. I’m the one that messed up. I – “

But Kurt interrupted me. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Finn. You were doing everything right.”

I frowned. “I – I was?”

Kurt nodded quickly. “Yes. You were going to kiss me, which is the one thing in the world that I’ve wanted more than anything since the first time I saw you.”

A uncontainable smile broke across my face. He smiled back before clearing his throat.

“I wanted to say thanks for the letter… it was so sweet, but I need to correct you on some of the things you said. And I need to tell you why I fainted…”

I waited for him to continue but he seemed unable to continue talking. And then out of nowhere, he stood up and walked towards me. My heart beat began to beat harder and harder as I stared at him. He looked so nervous, but I could see determination and a flaming desire in his eyes. My face turned bright red as soon as I realised what he was going to do.

He stopped right in front of me and leaned over, and when his face was close-up to mine he whispered something but I didn't really catch what he said because I was overwhelmed with feeling and then suddenly he was pressed against my side and his lips were on mine. It didn’t matter that this was a really awkward position and that he was kind leaning into my shoulder and making my neck crick, because this was the most amazing feeling I had ever had. I’d dreamed of this for so long and… there are no words. There are no words for how happy I am right in this moment.

I can’t speak; I can’t do anything except stare at those incredibly kissable looking lips. I can’t be scared now. I have to do this right, make everything right again. So I just find myself moving towards him with the deepest intent of doing what should have happened two days ago. i whisper "let's make this one count" before I lean towards him, propping myself over him on the couch, and press my lips against his.

Instant electricity shoots from our joined lips and all the way through my body. My stomach lurches with hot warmth and yeah, there’s an instant throbbing… down there. My heart is clenching and swelling up to ten times its size. I sigh happily in his mouth and we stay there for ages, just kissing each other for the first time.

After awhile I move away and stare into Finn’s eyes.

“That was what should have happened the other day,” I whisper.

Finn nods before glancing down towards my lips again. I smirk and our lips meet for a second time.

fic: lovers' names, carved in walls
Title: lovers' names, carved in walls
Author: finurtchel
Pairing: rich/grace
Rating: PG
Warning: fluff, a bit of angst, could be "spoiler-ish", but mainly speculation, not told in chronological order. 
Disclaimer: I do not own Skins or these characters. This is just for fun!
Summary: Rich makes a sacrifice for Grace, but she is not as pleased as he thought she'd be. 

Author's Comments: So, this is my first Rich/Grace fiction. I love them so much and I've been thinking of them a lot lately so I was very excited when I came up with this idea. Hopefully it makes sense to you all; I'm not sure how good it is but I wrote it up and just thought I'd post it anyway. Do be warned though, some parts of this came from ideas I got from future episode images/trailers so don't read if you don't want to know anything. Hope you enjoy reading this, please let me know what you think so I can be better if I ever write another Rich/Grace. Title is from the song Lovers' Carvings by Bibio.


The sharp scissors shook in his hand. He held all of his hair tightly with his other hand, pulling all of it to the side. Raising the scissors, he paused and stood there, frozen, looking deep into his reflection. Was he really going to do this? Cut off the part of him that made him who he was, a Metal-Head? Was that really who he was? His hair was his safety net; he hid behind it. Maybe cutting it away was like showing the world that he was more. That he wasn’t special. He was just like everybody else.


Her tights were soft against his skin, his hands pressed hesitantly against her thigh. They lay on their sides, facing each other, her eyes warm and open, staring into his. She reached up to press her hand gently on his cheek before moving in for a much-needed kiss. 

“So, what do you want to do today?”
“I dunno… laze around… listen to some music…”
“Mmm… anything else?”
“What do you want to do Grace?”
“Alright. Come here then. Jesus.”                                                

He doesn’t really understand but she makes him feel crazy… like he’s sort of all sick inside. He’s never felt that way about anybody. It’s fucking terrible. It scares him shitless. What is he supposed to do with this feeling? Does it just go away? What is he supposed to do when she realises that she deserves better? It wouldn’t just go away, will it? He’d have to deal with this for the rest of his fucking life, without her.


She carries a picnic basket, her pink dress and her pink scarf waving in the wind. She walks towards him over the hill and she looks beautiful, as always. They sit together under the blazing blue sky, under the tree. It doesn’t matter that he’s the epitome of death when she’s like a princess. It’s perfect.


“I don’t think you should come back here again.”
“Why? What did I do?”
“I just… I don’t want my parent’s to know – “
“Grace… I already fucking know that. Why else do you think I climbed up the fucking pipes to come and see you tonight?”
“Richard, you know I appreciate it… but I don’t think it’s a good idea… “
“Are you ashamed of me?”
“No… but... they will be…”



She thought about him all of the time. It was amazing how well they fit together when they were both so different. But, that was one thing that she loved about him. He was himself; he didn’t try to be somebody that he wasn’t. Especially when he was with her. Other people would take one glance at him and think “Metal-Head”, but with her he was more than that. He was sweet, shy and loving. He was a complete softie. She loved that he was sort of two people, the exterior and the interior, together making the most wonderful person she’d ever met.



He stared at himself in the mirror, afterwards. Was this a mistake? He looked so different; he hardly recognised who he was. Who was he? All he knew was that he wasn’t hiding anymore. He was letting it all hang open, his soul out there for everyone to see. Or maybe it was the other way round. Maybe he was hiding himself this way. He had no fucking clue. Maybe it was just all the same.


“Grace… Grace…”
“Yes, Rich?”
“Umm… I just wanted to… thank you.”
“What for?”
“Umm… I guess… for… for wanting me, too.”
“Oh, Rich. No, thank you.”


She stared at him, wanting to block her ears from the yelling. She was used to his outbursts but when they were directed at her it was a different story. He yelled at her saying that he wasn’t good enough for her, that she deserved someone better, someone her parent’s would be proud of. She’d told him again and again that he was perfect but he didn’t stop to listen this time. She tried, but he was already gone.



They carved their names on the tree on the hill. “Grace & Rich” surrounded by a circle, because circles’ never break. He scratched her name on the toilet walls and into his desk. Grace. Grace. Grace.Grace. She scribbled his name in her notebook when she should have been doing homework. Grace Richard Hardbeck. Grace Loves Rich. Rich. Rich. Rich.


“Are you ready?”
“I… what… I don’t – “
“Do you want to, Rich? With me?”
“…Yeah… but… what…now?”
“Yes, now… silly.”
“Oh… so, do you want to? With me? Really?”
“Duh… more than anything, Rich.”
“Oh. Cool.”
“Will this be your first time?”
“… umm… yeah…. You?”
“Yeah, me too…”
“Oh. Awesome.”


She didn’t care about the hay, the eggs and the flour all over their clothes. She didn’t care that they were probably lying in cow shit right now. All that mattered was them, together, kissing desperately out in the open, heart beats synchronised and hard under tentative touches and quiet, whimpering moans.


“I’m sorry…. Rich…I just… I don’t understand why you did this.”
“I… I thought it would make you happy. Make things easier for us.”
“Why? Why would I be happy about you changing yourself for me?”
“It’s a sacrifice. I don’t mind. It’s fine… and your parent’s might like me now.”
“I don’t care about my parent’s anymore. I just care about us. But we’re all different now. You… you’re not the same.”
“I thought that too. But I am. It’s just hair.”
“Is it?”


He lay on her bed, un-dressed and embarrassed. She trailed soothing fingers down his chest and over his belly, her bare legs entwined with his. It kind of made him feel better. At least she was smiling dreamily at him like this was the best moment of her life. At least they were both naked and together. But he couldn’t shake the feeling of being ashamed that he hadn’t pleased her.


“It’s a compromise.”
“But… you don’t compromise for anything. What happened to that?”
“I do. I compromise for you.”


She didn’t love him.
She didn’t love him.
She loved him.
Who was he?


He said he was still the same.
Did it even matter?
It was just hair, wasn’t it?
He was still the same.
Wasn’t he?


He gently lay her down on the bed, him raised above her, both of them whimpering. Hot electricity flashed through him as he leant forwards to kiss her, causing their bodies to meet in a flush of warmth, soft skin. She looked up at him with luminous eyes before they fluttered shut as he dipped his head to softly kiss her neck. It was going to work this time.

Heart beating, he chased after her. He had to explain. Explain why he had done this. Why it didn’t change anything. He was still the same person. He knew it and she was going to know it to.


“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
“Look at me. I look like a boy you’re parents would like, don’t I? Boy Next Door and all of that.”
“But, you’re not...you’re more than that.”
“That’s the beauty in it.”


He took her to visit Toxic Bob. He still played the same music. He still acted the same around her, frustrated with everything but always amused and joking when it came to her. He didn’t know if it would convince her. Maybe she just needed time. It didn’t matter how long it would take. He would show her that he was still the Rich Hardbeck she knew before.


Everyone looked at him differently and smiled at him like he was one of them when he walked out of the hairdressers. He wasn’t some loser they all ignored now. But, nothing had changed for him. He still looked at them and thought they were all fucking pathetic. But, you know, he was trying not to be judgmental, because for all he knew, they could be completely different people than they looked. Looks meant shit all, he knew that now. It was the inside that counted. A mask was just a mask. He was still him. He just had shorter hair. And slightly different clothes. You didn’t need to throw who you are in people’s faces all the time like a statement. The important people would know the truth anyway.


“Do you still want to be with me?”
“Well. Do you?”
“Yes… of course I do, Rich.”
“Cool… that’s cool… because… I…”
“Say it.”
“I… I kinda really like you.”
“Oh, really… is that all?”
“Well… guess what… I kinda really love you, Rich.”
“Yeah? Oh. Well, I… I love you too, Grace.”
He closed the scissors around his hair, his eyes scrunched tight so he didn’t have to watch it all fall away. His hair made thumping noises on the bathroom tiles. He knew without looking that his hair was going to look like shit. But, this was what had to be done. You had to make sacrifices. In all the great love stories, there was always some kind of tragedy that happened. Grace’d taught him that.

fic: Let's Get Lost Together
Title: Let’s Get Lost Together
Author: finurtchel
Rating: R (just in case)
Warnings: Slightly sexual, FLUFF, angst.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Summary: The Hudson-Hummel’s go skiing, Kurt and Finn get lost and become stranded on the mountain.

Author’s Comments: Finn/Kurt winter fest prompt. Sorry, I’m not sure whose prompt it is, but I hope it is what you wanted! And I also hope that everyone else enjoys reading this too. Not sure about the R rating, it could be PG-13 but I thought I’d just play it safe. Please, please review! The more you review, the better I’ll get. =)

“Are you kidding me, Dad?” Kurt gasped, his eyes bulging angrily and his hands plastered to his hips in a striking pose. “I can’t go SKIING! I mean, of all things to try and make me do! Snow is terrible for the skin, it’s far too cold and imagine what would happen if I got snow on my designer clothes!? Disaster!”
Burt shook his head, staring at Kurt. “Kurt, you’re coming. This is a good chance for us all to get used to being a family. I want no more arguments,” he said, sternly.

Kurt huffed and lilted his head, looking stubbornly up at the ceiling.
Finn, who was standing off to the side of Kurt and Burt beside Carole, looked back and forth between the other two males, as if testing the waters before speaking.

After a moment, during which Kurt continued to stare at the ceiling, Finn decided to intervene. He moved cautiously closer to Kurt before speaking.
“Come on, Kurt. Don’t be like this… it’ll be really fun, I promise!” he said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

Kurt breathed out and looked at Finn sharply. “This is your fault! Why did you have to come up with this stupid idea?”
Finn’s smile wiped off his face and he mumbled, “…sorry…. I just thought it would be fun…”

“And he’s right,” Burt interrupted. “It will be fun. So, Kurt, get off your high horse ‘cause we are all going and we are all going to have a good time.”

“If you say so,” Kurt said, grumpily, before spinning around on his heel and stomping quite gracefully to his basement bedroom.


“Are you happy now?” Kurt asked him, crossing his arms and sticking out his hips, his eyes painting a target across Finn’s dumbfounded face. He so badly wanted to spring himself onto Finn right this minute and slap his face off…. Or do other things to him that he should so not be contemplating now, or never for that matter seeing as Finn was supposed to be his step-brother now, which was obviously the biggest mistake of Kurt’s life. He really should remember to not stick his beak into everything and let things fall where they may; who knows, had he left everything alone a year ago, maybe Finn would be in his arms right now.

But, no, instead, they were stranded alone together on some god forsaken mountain of snow with no way of knowing where Their Parents (oh how Kurt hated saying that) were and how they were supposed to get back to the civilisation. And to top it off, they had no reception, proving that in situations like these even the best of phones could not help you.

“Well… I wouldn’t exactly say I was happy, but…” Finn mumbled, looking at Kurt in fear as though he could tell that Kurt was picturing strangling him in his head, “…you know, it could be worse. We… at least there are two of us.”
“Hmmph,” Kurt snorted, “don’t be stupid, Finn, you know that you barely count as half a person,” he said, before slumping down on the ground and reaching down to take his skies off. He knew he was going to get a wet ass and wet socks, but seriously, who on earth goes skiing anyway? They’d been skiing around together for hours, most of the time being in a state of panic when they realised they were lost and Kurt couldn’t handle it any longer. His legs felt like they’d been stabbed with knives and his arms hurt so much they were barely there.

Finn watched Kurt’s profile for a moment before sitting down a little away from him and taking his ski’s off, too. “You don’t have to be so mean about it,” Finn quietly mumbled (he was doing that a lot lately), concentrating on his ski’s and not looking at Kurt. He hated it when Kurt was mad at him – like he always seemed to be these days – so it was easier to not look at him because it hurt more seeing the dullness in Kurt’s eyes than hearing what Kurt had to say. It was like Kurt’s eyes held so much more than his words and Finn couldn’t handle that.

Kurt snorted in response, but didn’t say anything. That was something else Kurt was doing a lot of lately: snorting and scoffing and huffing. It was driving Finn mad. Why couldn’t Kurt just be happy? Hadn’t he gotten all that he wanted? All that was important? He’d gotten Finn as his brother, hadn’t he and they were closer than they’d ever been (despite Kurt’s reluctance) and hadn’t that been what Kurt had wanted? The reason why he had set Finn’s mum and his dad up in the first place?

Shaking his head, Finn putt his ski’s aside and drew his arms around his knees, resting his head on top of them. He couldn’t figure out what was troubling Kurt so much; it made his head hurt so he never did it for long. He really wanted to know but he never dared to ask Kurt about it.

They sat in silence for a long time, both staring out at snowy, tree scattered mountains surrounding them. Finn thought it looked beautiful, but all Kurt could think about was how much he would love to be anywhere but here.

Kurt was also thinking how much he wanted Finn to say something to him; he wanted Finn to ask him what was wrong. Why didn’t he ever ask? Kurt knew that Finn wanted to know, but perhaps he didn’t care enough to want to ask. Or maybe he was just scared of Kurt because yeah, Kurt knew that he could be rude and contemptuous at times, even when all he really wanted to do with hug Finn and hold Finn’s hand and trace his fingers across Finn’s soft, pink lips…

Kurt shivered at the thought of it and wished that Finn would move over to Kurt and wrap his arm around him. It was so cold and they both needed each other’s body warmth right about now. But Kurt was angry and he was so not going to make that move.
Thinking that this was as cold as he’d imagine living in a freezer would be, Finn shivered and drew arms tighter around himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kurt shiver, too. Finn was smart enough to remember that in Scouts they told him that the best way to stay warm was body warmth; and he was smart enough to know that that was exactly what he and Kurt needed right now.

Nervously, scared about what Kurt would do, Finn quickly got up and walked over to where Kurt was sitting, huddled in the snow. Taking a deep breath, he pummeled into the ground right next to Kurt and slung his arm around Kurt’s shoulder before Kurt could notice and try and throw him off.

Kurt sucked in a breath as he felt Finn’s warm arm wrap around his shoulders and his warm body press up against his side. He dared a quick look at Finn, who was staring straight ahead, looking a little flushed (though not as flushed as Kurt assumed he probably looked right now) and not looking at him. Then Finn’s eyes flicked over to look at Kurt as he said, “What? I was cold,” before looking away again, straight faced.

Kurt actually giggled. It was such a Finn thing to say.

He actually giggled. Finn stared ahead for a moment, processing that, before looking back at Kurt and smiling down at him. “Finally,” he said, grinning and giving Kurt a one-armed squeeze.

Kurt smiled. “Finally?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.

Finn shrugged, looking away again, but still smiling. “You haven’t “giggled” like that in ages; I was beginning to wonder where the Kurt I know had gone; it’s really good to have you back, finally,” he replied.

Kurt looked at Finn intently, his heart beat speeding up uncontrollably. He wasn’t sure if he was completely back; there was still confusion and anger bubbling in his chest, but Finn was right, this was definitely a step up. How perceptive of Finn to notice. Did Finn pay attention to him more than he’d originally thought?

They were silent for awhile, calmly looking out at the mountains and warming up in each other’s embrace, before Kurt decided that it was time to talk, time to let everything out, all the feelings. He didn’t want to keep secrets anymore and he especially didn’t want to keep them from Finn.

“You can ask me you know,” he said, looking straight ahead.

“I can ask you what?” Finn asked, quietly.
“You can ask me what’s wrong. I won’t bite.” Kurt held his breath.

Finn was quiet for a moment, not really knowing how to ask and scared of what Kurt was going to say. What had changed Kurt’s mind? Why did he so suddenly want to talk to him now?

Taking a breath, Finn let the words that he’d wanted to say to Kurt for ages spill out. “Kurt, man, I’ve noticed lately that’s something’s really been troubling you; you’re not smiling or laughing anymore and when you do it isn’t real… and you’ve been really cold towards me and it’s been hurting my feelings… so, I want to know what’s wrong, Kurt. Did I do something? I’m sorry if I did… Just talk to me, dude. Please…”

Kurt blinked and felt his heart heave and pang in guilt. He hadn’t expected something like that. He’d had a speech rehearsed for whenever Finn decided to say something like “hey, what’s wrong, dude?” but this was something so much more… heartfelt and broken. Something that deserved a much better answer.

“Thank you for… saying all that, Finn,” Kurt whispered, looking up at him and seeing Finn’s… WET EYES…Kurt gasped. Omg, he’d made Finn almost cry already and he hadn’t even started talking! With a shaking hand, Kurt reached up and wiped away a little tear trickling out of Finn’s eye, letting the little drop of sadness sit on the tip of his finger.
Finn winced. How had he let himself cry? Man, he was being such a girl. But, for some reason, he didn’t really mind as much as he should. It was worth it because Kurt was looking at him with big, doe eyes and his soft finger for resting against the skin underneath Finn’s eye. Finn decided not to figure out why this was a good thing and just went with it. He held his breath and watched Kurt, waiting for him to speak.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Finn,” Kurt said gently, moving his hand away from Finn’s face and back down onto his lap. “I did. I did everything wrong.”

Finn frowned. “What do you mean? You haven’t done anything – “

“Finn, yes I have. I’ve been a terrible person to you. And you know it.” Kurt gulped before continuing. “I never should have followed you around like an obsessed loser. I never should have fallen for you because you were the first boy that was ever nice to me. I never should have let that feeling turn into something much bigger when I knew you could never be what I wanted you to be. I never should have played match-maker with our parents in the hope that it would make us closer and maybe even make you like me. I never should have made up that stupid room, thinking that you would have liked it. I never – “

“Whoa, hold up,” Finn said, pressing his hand over Kurt’s mouth. Kurt spluttered and his stomach turned to jelly at the contact. Finn looked a little red too, but that wasn’t the point right now. “If those things are so bad, then I’ve done everything wrong, too. I mean, I should have just told you straight out “no” rather than leading you on all the time and I should never have said that… word in your basement and I should have made sure that you were never bullied but I didn’t and – “
Kurt reached up and pulled Finn’s hand away from his mouth, holding onto it as he spoke. “Finn, you know that I’ve forgiven you for all of that because you’re constantly apologising… but I have so much to apologise for that I’ve never really even spoken to you about and – “

“I forgive you,” Finn interrupted, “and I don’t want to hear about that anymore. I know that… this isn’t what’s wrong with you Kurt…. What’s really going on?”
Kurt looked away and moved his hand away from Finn’s hand, but Finn grabbed it just as it fell down towards Kurt’s lap and they sat there, together, their hands gripping each other’s tightly, their heart’s swarming like masses of bees and their eyes looking over towards the same horizon.

Finally, Kurt sighed and said, “you’re right. I’ve always wanted to apologise for all of those things, but they’re not what’s wrong. It’s all those things wrapped together, all those things as one long succession of feelings, all those things in conclusion, all those things making up exactly how I feel right now.”
Finn stared at him, dumbfounded. “Umm…huh?”

Kurt drew in a breath. “This is really hard for me… and please don’t freak out… but… nothing’s changed Finn. Nothing. You’re still the one person that I want and now more than ever you’re still the same person that I can’t ever have.”

Finn stared at Kurt, trying to understand. Did Kurt mean… did he mean…. What?
Kurt slumped forwards, ripping his hand out of Finn’s grasp and resting his head in his hands. Finn’s arm that had been across Kurt’s shoulder this whole time flumped onto the ground like a dead weight. And then Kurt was talking and Finn had to work extra hard to make it all out because it was kind of muffled a lot, but he’s pretty sure that he heard most of it.

“I just… I just can’t stand it anymore, Finn… being near you all the time… Being your brother… it’s great because it means you’ll always be there… but you’re never going to be there the way I want… you can’t be... and it kills me every time… I can barely look at you without… hating myself for making this happen and for never being able to get over you… and that makes me hate you sometimes because you’re so perfect and I can… n-never have you… so that’s what’s been wrong… we’re close like I’ve always wanted but… still… it hasn’t been good enough… it’s like there’s always something missing… and I don’t know how to get it back.”
Kurt was quiet for a moment and Finn couldn’t speak. He was dumbfounded, as usual. But he wasn’t dumbfounded about what Kurt’d been saying. That all made sense, as much as Kurt’s words pained him. What didn’t make sense was, why was Finn’s heart beating wildly in his chest and why did he feel like grinning and laughing when Kurt was in such distress, crying his eyes out right beside him?

“What should I do, Finn?” Kurt whispered into his knees, his voice hitching. “Please… say something…”
Finn looked at Kurt, feeling stupid. How was he supposed to know what Kurt was supposed to do? He didn’t even know what he was supposed to do. Should he wrap his arm around Kurt again? Should he reach over, lift up Kurt’s face and stroke his tears away? Should he… should he…?

But, then, Kurt lifted his face up and looked at Finn, his face streaked with tears and his eyes all red. And right at that moment Finn knew exactly what he should do. And exactly what he’d been wanting to do all this time.

He reached forwards and snaked his hand around Kurt’s neck and then, ever so softly, he leant forwards and carefully pressed his lips onto Kurt’s.
Kurt gave a loud squeak as, suddenly, out of nowhere, Finn’s lips were on his. Finn was kissing him! FINN! But, too quickly, it was over. They had been cold but against his they felt perfect and warm somehow. His lips felt cold again as soon as Finn’s left his.

He stared at Finn, wide-eyed, disbelieving. Finn was breathing hard, staring right back at him, a small and uncertain smile etched onto his face. Finn drew in a deep breath and reached forwards to wrap his hand around Kurt’s, entwining their fingers and squeezing gently.
And then he spoke and they were the most wonderful words Kurt had ever heard.
“Nothing’s your fault, Kurt. This was supposed to happen, in the end. And it probably never would have if you hadn’t been so per- per…. such a nudger.”
Kurt stared at Finn for a moment before his face split up into a wide grin. “I think the word you’re looking for is persistent… but I like nudger better,” he whispered, reaching forwards to tentatively cup Finn’s cheek in his hand.
Finn grinned and shivered as Kurt touched him. “Glad you think so,” he mumbled, looking down at Kurt’s lips before carefully moving forwards and resting his forehead against Kurt’s. “I’m sorry it took such a long time for me to do this,” he whispered, his breath tickling Kurt’s open and gasping mouth before he finally pressed his lips against Kurt’s again.

If Finn thought that kissing Kurt was good before, this was in a whole other dimension. Kurt’s breath was hot, sending tingles of electric waves down his neck and back. His lips were the softest thing Finn had ever felt in his life and after kissing him gently a few times Finn couldn’t help but want more and more.
He pulled Kurt even closer into him so that he was almost sitting on his lap and flicked his tongue in between Kurt’s open and willing lips. The sensation was immediate; hot lava seemed to be pouring all over him. He whimpered and he heard Kurt making these little gasping noises, which were the sexiest thing he’d ever heard, and Kurt’s little fingers were playing with Finn’s hair and grasping the back of his neck for dear life. Finn might have thought that that would hurt, but in this case it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. He could tell that Kurt wanted him so badly and it only made him press himself further into Kurt and kiss Kurt harder, their tongues at war with each other’s.

Kurt couldn’t believe this was happening. Finn was perfect, more than perfect and here he was kissing Kurt just as hard as Kurt was kissing him; like his life depended on it. Finn’s arms were wrapped tightly around Kurt in a loving embrace and he could feel the distinct THUD, THUD, THUD of Finn’s heart, beating just as fast and just as hard as his own. Butterflies were flying like mad in Kurt’s stomach but they were the kind of butterflies that he never wanted to go away.

Daringly, Kurt moved even closer to Finn, still kissing him passionately, and swung his leg over Finn so that he was sitting on him now. Finn gasped with approval as their lips disconnected and Kurt made his way down to suck on the thick contours of Finn’s neck. Finn moaned loudly and muttered “mmm…Kurt…Kurt…” His hands pressed into Kurt’s hips and then suddenly, one of Finn’s hands had floated down and was squeezing Kurt’s right ass cheek.

Kurt squealed loudly against Finn’s neck and came up for air. They stared at each other for a second before, seeing the dark desire in Finn’s eyes, Kurt leant down and their lips met once more, kissing so passionately that in the impact Finn fell backwards and Kurt was sprawled on top of him in the snow.

Finn moved his other hand down to rest on Kurt’s ass and even though he couldn’t really think very clearly right now with Kurt pressing against every part of his body, he could register that Kurt had a really nice ass. And he could also fathom that it was rather amazing that lying on the snow wasn’t cold at all when you had a hot boy lying on you and kissing you like crazy.
Just then, Kurt shifted a little on top of him and Finn felt… well… you know… their parts rub together and he stiffened, letting out a deep moan. Kurt whimpered above him, mumbling “oh, Finn…” before kissing him even harder and shifting up against him again. Finn moaned even louder this time and his hands squeezed Kurt’s ass so hard he was surprised that Kurt didn’t stop kissing him and start yelling at him instead.

Kurt moaned loudly. He knew that he shouldn’t be doing this, grinding up against Finn like he’d always wanted with Finn’s hands squeezing his ass, in the snow of all places (not to mention while they were lost and their parents were probably worried sick about them) but he couldn’t stop. It felt so amazing, Finn felt so amazing underneath him, and everything was just so… amazing. His mind was clouded with love and arousal; his whole body was throbbing with it. He was pretty sure he was never going to come back to earth.
But, suddenly, just as he ground against Finn for what would be the last time here in the snow, Kurt heard something strange, something he hadn’t expected. Sure, Finn had been saying “Kurt, Kurt… oh Kurt,” between kisses but that had been entirely romantic and sexual and this “KURT! KURT!” noise was not. It was panicked sounding and by the distinct growly, gravelly sound, Kurt could easily guess who it was. And that they weren’t too far away.

Abruptly, Kurt pulled his lips away from Finn’s, making a loud popping sound, before jumping off of Finn and sitting down on the snow, his heart pounding.

Finn lay on his back for a moment, stunned at the sudden lack of no Kurt attached to his mouth and lying on top of him before he sat up, too.

“What’s wrong, Kurt?” Finn asked, gently.

“Dad,” Kurt muttered, his face heating up as he looked at Finn.

Right then there were more calls, coming closer and closer. “KURT!! KURT!! FINN!!” and then the sound of Carole’s voice calling “FINN! SWEETIE! WHERE ARE YOU? FINN! KURT!!”

“Oh,” Finn blushed. “Bugger,” he said, looking at Kurt intently. “I was having… the best time of my life.”

Kurt giggled and smiled broadly at Finn. “Plenty more where that came from, I promise,” he said, winking at Finn and flushing an even brighter red.

“I’m glad,” Finn said, grinning back at him. “Suppose it’s good that you heard them and they didn’t catch us,” he shuddered at the thought.

They were quiet for a moment, not wanting to be found just yet as Burt and Carole’s voices came closer and closer, but knowing that they couldn’t hide there much longer without it looking suspicious.

“Are we going to tell them… about… us?” Kurt whispered, looking into Finn’s eyes.

inn gulped and was quiet for a moment before he whispered back, “yes, soon, we’ll have to. Besides… I’m not sure how we’re going to get away with it for long when we’re this flushed and when you’re lips are so red and swollen.”

Kurt laughed out loud before reaching over and grabbing Finn’s hands. “Let’s face the music then shall we?” he asked. Finn grinned and gripped onto Kurt’s hand before they stood up, grabbed their skiing boots and stepped out of the trees.

fic: Peaches, Chapter 7
Title: Peaches, Chapter Seven
Author: finurtchel
Rating: R (mainly to keep the whole story together as later chapters are the R parts)
Spoilers: none in this chapter, really. Maybe Special Education but barely, epecially seeing as I don't really know exactly when this is taking place.
Warnings: lots of Rachel, and it's probably not as good as the other chapters
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Summary: Finn is involved in a fender-bender while driving Kurt's car.

Authors Comments:  
I am so sorry that its been over a month since my last update! I won't bore you with excuses though, but I do feel like my writing in this is a little.... well... not good. So hope you like it anyway and hope it was worth the wait. If you review lots than maybe I'll write the  next chapter, wherein Finn and Kurt will share their first kiss, a lot sooner! Happy reading! Oh, and sorry about the different layout. I finally figured out how to use the indent thing.... =P


I sit awkwardly on my bed, the phone pressed to my ear, waiting to hear the shrill voice of Rachel Berry. I’m not a heartless person; obviously I’m not looking forward to breaking Rachel’s heart but the pleased look on Kurt’s face is sort of making me unable to feel anything but happiness.

And anyway, this was going to be easy wasn’t it? All I had to say was: “Sorry, Rachel, but we can’t be together anymore because I love Kurt now” and then she’d say something like “oh, I’m sorry about that, Finn, but I’m really happy for you. I hope we can still be friends!” And then I’d smile and say “of course!” and she’d laugh happily and then we’d hang up.
And then I’ll reach over grab Kurt and kiss him like I’ve been wanting to for so long I don’t even know how long it’s been anymore.
But, I guess, I was about to get a reality check. Because things weren’t so easy and nothing ever happened exactly like I wanted it to, did it? I had to learn again not to be so damn naïve.
“Hello?” came Rachel’s voice through the phone. She sounded a bit like she had a cold.
“Hey, Rachel, it’s Finn,” I replied in a neutral voice.

“FINN HUDSON!” she almost screamed with joy. I winced and drew the phone away from my ear. “You’re calling from your home phone! Are you meaning to tell me that you’re home and didn’t even inform me until NOW??” She continued loudly. “Honestly, Finn, you should have told me before. I’m coming over right now!”

I gulped. Dammit. “Um… Rachel… the thing is… I really want – “

But Rachel interrupted me before I could say anything else. “I know, baby, I know. I really want to be with you, too. That’s why I’m coming over now to look after you!”

“Oh… but – “I said. Rachel had already hung up.
“…I don’t want to see you,” I muttered to the phone that would not reply.

Turning my head to look at Kurt, I grimaced at him. Judging by his expression I knew that he had already understood what had happened.
“She’s coming over then?” Kurt asks me quietly, looking a little disappointed.

“Sorry,” I mumble, “you know how she is… she wouldn’t let me talk.”

Kurt groaned, but smiled understandingly at me and nodded quietly.

I look at him, wishing that I didn’t have to break up with Rachel before I could kiss him. But I knew how much cheating hurt so I didn’t want to inflict that on someone that I did care about as a friend.
Sighing, I give a little shrug and said softy, “don’t worry, it’ll be over soon. Besides, it’s probably better this way, anyway. Face to face.” But it was certainly going to be a lot harder to face it.
I lean back into my pillows and stare at Kurt, unable to draw my eyes away from his. He really was so lovely, all soft, creamy skin and those lips…. I suck in a breath, trying to draw my mind away from how deeply I wanted to kiss them, wanted to know how they’d feel against mine.

Kurt stared back at me, his eyes glittering prettily. He kept on licking his lips and every now and then his eyes would flick down to my lips. Every time he did that, my heart leapt over and over.

It might seem strange, but us just staring at each other for 15 minutes while we waited for Rachel to bombard herself into my room was more comfortable than I would have expected. He was nice to look at and he didn’t seem to mind that we were playing some kind of staring game. It was nice to just be appreciated by just doing nothing.
But the nothing didn’t last long because before we knew it (time really does fly, you know), there was a knock on the door and Rachel poked her head in and looked at me with a wide, happy smile on her face. Then she walked in, closed the door and slowly came and sat by my bed and gave me a kiss on the lips and leant her head down so that it was resting on my chest.

Oh damn.

What’s going to happen when she notices Kurt is here?


Rachel walked in and I just wanted her to leave. Why did she have to come and see her now? When everything was going so well between Finn and I? I know that I’m being a little selfish here, but seriously, why did she have to be so difficult? She’d had had her chance with Finn and this was finally mine.
Watching her I can tell that it’s because she truly loves Finn as much as I do, but as soon as her eyes flicker open and make their way over to look at me, she jumps up quickly and points at me accusingly, the other hand on her hip. This makes it seem more like Finn is a possession to her, a thing just there for her to say “ha, I’m a star and I’m dating the Quarterback.”
“What is he doing here?” She screeched loudly, staring at me but talking to Finn like I wasn’t even here.

Before Finn could reply I stood up, struck my “f-off bitch” pose and snapped, “I’m Finn’s friend and I’m here to look after him.”
Rachel rolled her eyes. “Why would you be looking after him when he has me?” She asked crossing her arms.
I glanced swiftly at Finn before opening my mouth to speak.

But Finn shook his head. “It’s okay, Kurt,” he said, quietly. “Rachel,” he continued, looking at her, “sit down, please.” He pats the spot on his bed beside him and Rachel obediently sits down, smirking at me as if she’d one at something.

I smiled grimly back at her and sat back down on the end of Finn’s bed, settling back to watch the proceedings in front of me. My heart was beating fast as I waited to find out how Finn was going to break the news to Rachel and if he was even really going to do it. I believed him that he would, but still, the vast realness of it actually happening right in front of my eyes was something I had never expected would ever happen in a million years.

Finn was looking at Rachel, or rather his head was directed at her and his eyes were downcast looking at hands. He was playing with his fingers nervously and couldn’t seem to get any words out.
“Finn?” Rachel asked, reaching over and placing her hand on his hand. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” she asked, sounding so sickingly loving that I almost vomited. Gee, I really hope I don’t sound like that when I talk to Finn.

When Finn still didn’t reply and was still looking gloomily down at his hands, Rachel opened her mouth again. “Come on, Finn… you can talk to me, right? Anything you have to say to me just say it… please… I want to help and you know how good I am at helping people.”
I scoffed under my breath but Rachel ignored me and still Finn said nothing. Well, this was going to be torture.

Rachel sighed and when she spoke again she sounded a little hysterical. “Please, Finn, just talk to me! What’s happened? Has something happened? Did I do something wrong? It’s not anything to do with Jesse or Puck is it? Because I told you, I don’t feel attraction to them in any way, not anymore. You’re the only thing that matters to me now. Well, you were always the only thing that mattered to me; I was just a little silly back then, wasn’t I? Omg… have you done something silly too? Did you cheat on me?! Oh god, just tell me! Tell me!” She said this all very fast and all of a sudden, Finn looked up at her and finally opened his mouth to speak.

“I didn’t cheat on you Rachel,” Finn said clearly, “but I’m sorry… I… don’t… I don’t love you… anymore.”

Rachel’s hands flew up to her mouth and even though I couldn’t see her face, I could picture the look of shock that was on her face. And it sort of made me feel sorry for her. A little.

“Why?” Rachel whispered.

I quickly looked at Finn and my heart sped up faster. He glanced over at me, watching me for a moment and turning a shade of deep red before he replied to Rachel’s question without even looking at her. He was just looking at me.

“I love Kurt,” he said, clearly and right at that moment I wanted to leap up and kiss his face off but Rachel was in the way and before I could do anything but smile at him broadly, Rachel was talking.

“That’s a really cruel joke, Finn,” she snapped at Finn angrily. “Are you really that heartless that you’d make that excuse? I mean, you can break my heart but don’t break Kurt’s as well!” She jumped up and crossed her arms, glaring at Finn judging by the horror on Finn’s face.

I stared at Rachel’s head in surprise; if there was ever a Rachel Berry reaction to the fact that Finn loves me, this wasn’t what I’d been expecting at all. I mean, I would have thought that she’d laugh or at least burst into tears or maybe even slap Finn across the face and then slap me for good measure. But instead here she was, my long-going rival, standing up for me because she thought that Finn was making it all up.

I glanced at Finn who was making goldfish faces, his eyes wide, and stood up to go and stand between the two of them. I looked at Rachel and reached over to put a hand on her arm.

“Even though the whole Finn loving me part is pretty new to me,” I said to her, letting my eyes look at Finn for a brief moment, “Finn’s not lying Rachel. This isn’t some joke.”

Finn breathed out a sigh of relief (it occurred to me then that Finn might have believed that I’d actually thought that what Rachel had said was the truth) and Rachel looked at me, her expression kind of blank.

“Really?” She whispered. “Finn…. You… love…” she mumbled, staring into my eyes as if they held all of the answers.

I nodded, unable to speak and her arms fell down at her sides. An “oh” dropped out of her mouth softly and she slowly floated down to sit on the bed, her hands rising to clench at her stomach.

“Rachel…are you okay?” Finn mumbled, worriedly.

She shook her head, not looking at him. “I feel… a bit sick...overwhelmed I guess…”

There was a silence for a moment as Finn and I had no idea what to say. Eventually I opened my mouth, “I’ll go and get you some water” I said, before leaving the room without another word.

I felt terrible. I mean, I’d expected a rather emotional response from Rachel, but I hadn’t meant to make her feel sick. That sucked.
After Kurt went and got some water, it was quiet for a moment, the only sound being Rachel sniffing and hiccoughing.

I was pretty sure that that meant she’d started to cry, but I didn’t really know what to do about that. I couldn’t really reach over or sling my arm around her shoulder because of my injuries and I wasn’t sure if that would have helped anyway.

So instead, after a moment, I just had to open my mouth and talk. Get it all out there. That was the best I could do.

“Rachel… I’m really sorry about this… I didn’t mean for it to happen… you and me, we’ve really been something special but I guess…” I paused for a moment as Rachel sniffled a little loudly but I could tell that she was listening closely. “… I guess we just… weren’t meant to last.” I sighed. “I don’t know when I started liking Kurt… but all of a sudden… I just couldn’t get him out of my mind… it was kind of like when I was dating Quinn and I was always thinking about you… but this time it was even scarier because you know… who would ever have expected that I’d fall for a guy… not to mention my step-brother, which is kind of gross I guess but…I guess it was so different this time… so unbelievable… that I kind of feel like Kurt’s the one I…”

I stopped talking for a moment, shaking my head because I was probably saying too much that Rachel didn’t want to hear. She’d stopped sniffling now, but I could see gushes of tears leaking out of her eyes.

“Rachel, look at me,” I said, gently, reaching my hand out as far as I could towards her. I waited for a moment until she slowly lifted her head and looked at me, her eyes blurry with tears.

“Rachel,” I said, sighing, “I really am sorry… do you think you can forgive me? I really want to be friends still because… you’ve taught me a lot and you’re still really important.”

She stared at me for a moment before nodding slightly and looking away. I’d never seen Rachel lost for words before; it was kind of unnerving. (See, I told you Rachel taught me a lot of things, especially about big words.)

At that moment Kurt opened the door and came in with a glass of water. He glanced at me looking concerned before passing the glass to Rachel.

She took it, had a sip and mumbled, “thanks, Kurt.”

“No problem,” Kurt said, “I just couldn’t stand having your throat ruined from all of this when we all know you need it to become a star.”

Rachel smiled at him, she actually smiled, and wiped at a tear crawling down her cheek. Then she sighed and looked over at me.
“Thanks for being honest with me, Finn,” she said, a little shaky. “We… we should talk again soon… but I need to be alone right now,” she looked away from me and stood up.

“Are you going to be okay?” I asked, quietly.

She shrugged. “Eventually,” she said, smiling sadly, before putting a hand up as a goodbye and quickly leaving the room.
I looked at the door for a moment as it shut behind her and I could hear her footsteps as she left, then the sound of my mother’s voice and then the front door clicked shut.

I looked then at Kurt, who was staring at me. A lot of unspoken things seemed to wave between us; I knew I was feeling pretty terrible about Rachel and could tell that Kurt was too but there was nothing we could do about that.

“Well,” I sighed, patting the spot beside me on the bed for him to sit down, “that could have been so much worse.”

fic: The Sweet Taste of White Frosting
Title: The Sweet Taste of White Frosting
Author: finurtchel
Rating: R (just in case)
Warning: Finn/Kurt, mild boy on boy sexy times, fluff
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Summary: One shot: Kurt is decorating a gingerbread house when, suddenly, the piping bag of white frosting explodes on him just as Finn walks in the room.

Authors Comments: This is from the Finn/Kurt winter fest prompt 2010 (special thanks to the prompterboohyuu  I hope you enjoy the fic and it’s close to what you had in mind!). This is my first time at writing something this sexy, so sorry if it’s terrible! Mistakes are mine and mine alone, I had a lot of fun writing this and please review, thanks! =)

      The best part of Christmas, in Kurt’s opinion, was the decorating aspect of it all. When his mother was still alive, it used to be up to them to make everything look as Christmassy as possible; she had taught him everything he needed to know. But, since she’d been gone, Kurt had been the sole provider of Christmas cheer at his house. He was always in charge of decorating the Christmas Tree (not that his dad would have wanted it any other way), putting up lights outside the house, decorating the interior with as much red, gold and green as humanly possible and cooking all the delicious Christmas food. He never minded doing it all on his own; he always enjoyed it, because Christmas was a time when you could forget that you had any problems and pretend that you were as happy as everyone else. 

      But, this year was very different for Kurt. This time, it wasn’t just him that decorated the Christmas Tree, it was Finn, too. And it wasn’t just him that put up the lights, Finn helped. And it wasn’t just him that cooked Christmas dinner; Carole cooked most of it instead. Kurt didn’t mind, because Finn and Carole were his a part of his family now, and even though it really sucked to have Finn accidentally brush his hand as they both reached for the same branch to hang an ornament on, sending a shiver down his arm and reminding him that he shouldn’t feel this way about his step-brother, it was nice to have someone, apart from his dad, to share the joy of Christmas with.

      Kurt was glad though, that on this particular night, Carole had been called in for a shift at work, so instead of her helping him Kurt had joyously been left to decorate the Gingerbread House on his own. Burt was out visiting a friend so Kurt and Finn were the only ones home. Finn hadn’t been excited about the decorating of the House, though; all he wanted to do was eat all of the decorations and complain that Kurt was taking too long so Kurt had sent him to his room.

     Kurt sighed, studying his progress happily. The Gingerbread House was grand, more like a castle than a house. That was always Kurt’s way: as extravagant as possible. He’d gone was the classic, colourful look this time around, though. Usually he’d pick a colour pallet, like the one year where he did a black and white theme, but, seeing as Kurt preferred not to eat any of it and seeing as Finn swore to everyone that he was going to eat it all, Kurt had let Finn chose everything. And Finn had gone for every colour; by the time it was done, it was going to be covered in rainbow frosting and rainbow sweets.

     Kurt smiled to himself. Finn was too adorable for words at Christmas time. It was crazy to think that Finn could get any more adorable, but he could. Kurt was witness to it every time Finn smiled widely whenever he looked at Kurt or the Christmas Tree or every time Finn decided to belt out a cheery Christmas Carole. It was amazing how much… sexier Finn had become, too. How was it even possible that Kurt had seen Finn in his basketball uniform, but still thought he was even better looking when he was all rugged up like a gorgeous Eskimo? Maybe it was because seeing him all rugged up made Kurt want to go over to him and rip his clothes off too see what was underneath.

     Kurt shook his head and muttered, “you shouldn’t be thinking like this about your brother” before reaching for the piping bag of white frosting. “It’s ridiculous,” he said himself, angrily trying to open the tube. “Why can’t you just get over him, already? I mean, honestly, nothing is ever, EVER going to happen between you so – “

     But before he could say anything else, two things happened. One: the stubborn piping bag decided that it would be funny to have a dud lid and to spew sticky, white frosting all over Kurt, even on his face oddly enough. Two: Finn came walking into the kitchen, stopped dead at the sight of Kurt and burst into laughter, pointing stupidly at Kurt like a big, fat loon.

   Kurt put his hands on his hips and glared angrily at Finn, yelling “SHUT UP, FINN!”

   Finn’s laughter fell away at once, but his smile remained on his face. “Sorry,” he muttered, “you just look…really funny….”

   Kurt humphed and turned away from Finn to stare at his Gingerbread House. The frosting had sprayed over it a bit, giving it a snow-flake sort of look. Well, it could be worse. But, still, he was so caught up in feeling stupid looking like this in front of Finn and feeling stupid for letting it happen in the first place, wasting a perfectly good bag of frosting, that he almost missed what Finn says next.

     “… but… you look really cute, too… and I sort of want to eat you all up,” Finn says, softly from the doorway, his voice gentle and almost, nervous.

    Kurt freezes and his mouth falls open in shock. Did he just say that? Rewind please.
   “… but… you look really cute, too… and I sort of want to eat you all up,” Finn says, softly from the doorway, his voice gentle and almost, nervous.


    “Kurt?” Finn says, and Kurt can feel him walking closer. “Sorry… it’s just… you know how much I love sweet stuff… and you’re kinda covered in it right now.”

     Kurt breaths out before slowly turning around and staring at Finn open mouthed.

     Finn stares back at him for a moment before reaching forwards Kurt’s face with his finger. Kurt squeaks as Finn’s finger makes contact with his face, gently scooping up a bit of the frosting. Then Finn’s finger moves away from Kurt and he sticks his finger in his mouth, licking the frosting away. Kurt’s knees go all wobbly. He’s pretty sure this is the sexiest thing he’s ever seen.

     Finn smiles and says, “mmmmm… the sweet taste of white frosting…” and Kurt’s pretty sure that’s the sexiest sentence he’s ever heard. Finn reaches towards Kurt again, this time rubbing off the icing on Kurt’s nose before sticking his finger into his mouth, closing his eyes and sucking.

     By now Kurt’s hyperventilating and his erection is getting harder and harder. He knows Finn is just being innocent (it’s not his fault that it looks like he’s giving someone an amazing blow job) which means Finn doesn’t know the effect he is having on Kurt nor will he notice just how much Kurt is enjoying this.

     But, as Finn’s finger goes in for a third helping, Kurt can’t take it anymore. He goes to move his head away from Finn’s approaching finger, but the movement decidedly worsens the situation rather than fixing it. Finn’s finger accidentally lands on Kurt’s bottom lip. Finn’s finger brushes the inside of Kurt’s lip and he trembles, staring wide-eyed at Finn, who, for the first time throughout this whole thing, has lost his childish smile and is staring wide-eyed at Kurt, too.

     It’s like they are frozen in time, staring at each other, both transfixed. Kurt doesn’t know what’s happening and Finn probably has even less of a clue, seeing as he isn’t gay, but, to Kurt, it feels like an electric current is flowing around them and pulling them together like magnets.

     Finn’s finger trembles a little and he gulps loudly, causing Kurt’s heart to beat even harder than before. Then, cautiously, Finn moves his finger along Kurt’s lip, gently stroking it. It’s like an electric shock and it causes Kurt to choke out in surprise. Kurt’s pretty sure that lip stroking isn’t meant to feel this good, but it does, it really does.

    Finn’s eyes widen and after a moment, he looks away for Kurt for the first time in 5 minutes and glances down at himself, at the sudden length visibly pointing straight at Kurt through his trackies. Kurt’s eyes move down to it and he stares at it in wonder, too, his face turning beetroot purple as he realises that Finn is as turned on as he is right now. And that Finn is turned on about him. Kurt! Kurt can hardly believe it. Is this really happening?

     Finn looks away from his nether regions and glances up at Kurt, who quickly adverts his eyes from Finn’s big… and shyly looks Finn in the eye. Finn looks scared to death, but as Kurt looks more closely at him, he can see, hidden in Finn’s eyes, a bursting desire that mirrors the desire in his pants.

    Gulping, Kurt slowly lifts his hand up and reaches towards Finn. When Finn doesn’t make any attempt to move away, Kurt gently touches his finger to Finn’s lip and strokes it. Shivers float up his arm and he’s not sure who, but one of them moans loudly. Who knew this could feel so good?

    Finn’s eyes are closed, his lips pressed together as if in pain, but Kurt knows that he’s not. Aching for more, Kurt strokes his finger over Finn’s lip one last time before moving it to follow along Finn’s jaw line. He’s slightly stubbly, but it feels wonderful to be able to just touch Finn’s face. Gently, he moves his finger to rest on Finn’s ear, which he twiddles gently with his other fingers. Finn lets out a breath of warm air, which settles on Kurt and puts shivers down his back.

    And then suddenly, he doesn’t quite know how it happens, but suddenly, Finn’s hands are snaking around Kurt’s waist and he’s pulled Kurt plush up against him. Finn rests his forehead against Kurt’s and stares at him with passion in his eyes.

   “…Kurt…” he whispers, being the first one to speak in what seems like years, “… I don’t… … I… can… can I… kiss you?”

     Kurt gasps silently and can’t think coherently enough to even try to speak so he just nods his head dumbly. Finn breaths in a deep sigh before hesitantly leaning forwards and pushing his lips up against Kurt’s.

     As soon as Finn’s lips hit Kurt’s, Kurt knew that he was stupid to think that lip stroking felt good… because this, this was something else altogether. Finn’s lips were soft and his breath was hot. The way Finn kissed him, softly at first, but then harder as, at the same time, he pulled Kurt into him and fisted his hands into Kurt’s hair, made Kurt tremble, moan and whimper as indescribable thrills spread all over his body. He kissed Finn back just as hard, his tongue slipping into Finn’s mouth, causing Finn to moan and grip Kurt that much harder. He wrapped his arms around Finn’s neck and played with Finn’s soft hair, his hands often gripping clumps of Finn’s hair in their burst of passion.

    It didn’t matter to them that their clothes were sticky with white frosting or that their parent’s could walk in at any moment. It didn’t matter to them that they were meant to be brothers and shouldn’t really be doing this. It didn’t matter, because all that mattered right then was the way they were making each other feel.

    Finn’s hand moved down and he slipped it into Kurt’s shirt. The feel of Finn’s hands on his skin was so intoxicating that Kurt had to come up out their kiss to gasp fresh air. Without missing a beat, Finn immediately moved down to kiss Kurt’s neck, teasing the flesh there with his teeth. Kurt’s eyes rolled back into his head and he titled his head back to give Finn better access. As Finn ravaged his neck, Kurt daringly slipped his hands under Finn’s shirt and reached up as high as he could, feeling the contours of Finn’s back.

    Finn trembled in response and promptly turned them around so that he was now pressing Kurt up against the kitchen sink. Gently, Finn lifted Kurt up, losing contact with his neck and sitting Kurt atop the kitchen bench. Kurt squealed at that and promptly wrapped his legs around Finn’s hips as Finn swopped down to passionately kiss him again.

    Pinch me, pinch me, pinch me, Kurt thought to himself. He still couldn’t believe this was actually happening. He was finally being touched and kissed by the one boy he’d ever loved and it truly did feel like a dream. But he knew that Finn was actually here. He didn’t need anybody to pinch him. He had the proof right there as Finn’s hands slipped under his shirt, as Finn’s lips moved inexplicably fast against his, as Finn’s hand reached down and unbuttoned Kurt’s jeans, Finn’s hand slipping into Kurt’s boxer’s and touching his … wait. What?

    Kurt’s eyes snapped open and he squawked in surprise, his mouth disconnecting from Finn’s like a suction pump. Finn stared at him dazedly for a moment before looking down and realising where his hand was. Blushing furiously, Finn whipped his hand out of Kurt’s boxes and looked down sheepishly.

    For a moment Kurt just stared at him in surprise, his penis still throbbing with the sudden feeling of being touched by someone other than himself. Then, Kurt gently reached forwards and tilted Finn’s face so that they were looking into each other’s eyes again.

    “I’m sorry,” Kurt squeaked, trying to smile at Finn. “It’s… it’s not that I don’t want you to… but… I was just surprised…”he mumbled.

     Finn shook his head. “No… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I just got so caught up in the moment… And I just… I just really wanted to… to touch you there,” he said, whispering the last part.

     Kurt’s penis twitched and he smiled at Finn, reassuring him that it was okay. “I… I want to touch you there, too,” he whispered back, not looking away from Finn.

     Finn blushed and smiled happily. “That’s good, because I really want you to, too.”

     Kurt smiled shyly, but then sighed, remembering where they were. And what they had just been doing. When they were meant to be brothers. And Finn wasn’t gay.

    “But… Finn…” Kurt murmured, a little sadly, unable to look at Finn now. “I’m not sure… I’m not sure if we should do… this sort of thing... anymore.”

    The smile on Finn’s face fell away immediately and Kurt thought he heard Finn’s heart break; he was pretty sure he heard his break as well.

    “But… why?” Finn whispered, sounding hurt. “I thought… I thought you liked me?”

     Kurt sighed and a tear slipped out of his eye. “I do, I do like you… well, actually… to be honest… I’m in love with you… but Finn, you’re supposed to be my brother and you’re… not like me.”

      Finn smiled and reached forwards to stroke Kurt’s lip with his finger again. “I am, Kurt. I am like you. And I know I’m supposed to be your brother… but it doesn’t feel right. I just want… I just want you,” he said, beaming at Kurt.

     Kurt sucked in a breath and looked at the happy boy standing in front of him.

     “What?” Kurt squeaked (he was going a lot of that lately). “What do you mean… when did this happen?... what…this doesn’t make any sense… when did this happen…. How come – ”

      Finn placed his hand over Kurt’s mouth and laughed. “Kurt,” he said, gently. “It happened as soon as I touched your lip with my finger before by mistake.”

      Kurt stared at him dumbly, his heart thumping.

       Finn smiled. “Although… I think it’s been coming along slowly all this time… I just never realised… but I know now Kurt and I’m pretty sure that, even though we’re supposed to be brothers, it’s alright because it’s not really incest… and it doesn’t matter, because, right now I think… I know we’re supposed to be together as, you know....lovers,” he said, blushing darkly.

      Kurt stared at him for a moment before leaping onto him and kissing him full on the mouth, re-connecting us again. They kissed for several minutes, gripping onto each other and never wanting to let go. Then, while later, Kurt opened his eyes and they came up for air.
Kurt looked all over Finn hungrily, licking his lips. It was now that he noticed that they were both covered in the white frosting.

      “Hmmmm…..” Kurt murmured, running a hand down Finn’s chest before resting his hand over Finn’s drumming heart. “You know what I think we should do?”

     Finn shook his head, but his eyes were glittering as if he’d guessed what Kurt was thinking.

     “I think it might be time for a shower. I’m feeling a little… dirty. What about you?”

     Finn growled at Kurt and quickly picked Kurt up into his arms. Latching lips with Kurt, they clumsily made their way to the bathroom, the Gingerbread House left forgotten behind them.

fic: Peaches, Chapter 6
 Title: Peaches, Chapter Six
Author: finurtchel
Rating: R (mainly to keep the whole story together as later chapters are the R parts)
Spoilers: none in this chapter, really.
Warnings: Lots of Fluff.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Summary: Finn is involved in a fender-bender while driving Kurt's car.

Authors Comments: I am so sorry that it's taken me so long to update, though because no one reviewed the last chapter, I took longer to write this one, being unsure as to whether anyone was actually reading anymore. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. There are still a few more chapters to come, so this isn't end, but its full of fluff and I really hope you like it. Please review!


         Kurt held my hand on the car ride home. I didn’t ask him too, but for some reason, as soon as we managed to get me into the car in more or less the most comfortable way possible, he squeezed in beside me, did up his seatbelt as Mum did mine and then curled his soft, perfect little hand into mine. It felt really nice. He smiled nervously at me and I smiled back and squeezed his hand.
         Kurt cuddled up next to me on the car ride home. After I squeezed his hand, he beamed and scooted as close as possible to my side. It was nice to feel be close to him. He was soft and warm and it made me all fuzzy inside. I so would have moved my arm and wrapped it around him if I’d been able to.
         Kurt rested his head on my shoulder on the car ride home. He smiled shyly at me before slowly leaning down and resting it there, right on my shoulder (the good one, of course). His hair smelt like strawberries and when he sighed happily and wriggled in even closer to me, I’m pretty sure I almost had a happy attack.
         And it sort of makes me wish that I was in car accidents more often, because it was the best damn car ride I’ve ever had. And to top it off, Kurt wasn’t mad at me anymore. In the end, my plan had actually panned out like I’d hoped it would.

         I don’t know what made me do it. From the moment Carole and I picked him up from the emergency room to take him home, Finn looked so lost and miserable, so I guess the main reason was that I just wanted him to know that I was there for him.
Maybe it had something to do with what Carole had said to me, or more precisely, what she hadn’t said but what she had implied. Maybe I wanted to see how Finn would react if I made a move on him. Maybe I did it because I wanted to find out the truth or at least get some sort of plausible ideas. Maybe this was all true, but I know that I was definitely doing it because Finn looked like he needed someone to be close to him. He needed someone to look after him and as far as I was concerned, that person was me. Well, while Carole was driving, at least.
        I would never have guessed that it would have turned out so perfect. I felt like crying when I Finn squeezed my hand after I’d slipped mine into his big, soft hand. I felt like sobbing with joy when he smiled at me in his best smile, his eyes twinkling and his dimples so adorable. And when I felt the beat of his heart speed up as I leant against his shoulder, I was pretty sure I’d died I was so happy.
So, I saw the signs. I understood what Carole had told me.
        But I had to let my guard down. Carole could be wrong. I could be wrong. We could both be taking everything Finn did towards me the wrong way. But, there was only one person who could tell me the truth: Finn.
        And I was going to do all it took to find out what the truth was, even if knowing kills me.

       Kurt didn’t want to go home. When Mum asked him if he wanted to go home, he shook his head and mumbled, “No, I want to stay with Finn.”
       He didn’t look at me when he said it, he didn’t look at me when I smiled happily down at him, he just closed his eyes and rested his head on my shoulder again, like it was the most natural thing in the world. And I suppose it was. I would never have guessed that being close to Kurt could be so easy, and so rewarding.
      I sighed in contentment and for the rest of the car ride I looked out of the window and couldn’t get the smile off of my face.
      But everything changed when we got to my house. I didn’t expect to have this conversation so soon. I didn’t expect anything to happen so soon and all in one day. Instead I was expecting, you know, something more like what we were doing in the car. I thought we’d sit together on the couch or lie together on my bed and watch a movie. I thought it would be nice and relaxing and that I would fall asleep and Kurt would cuddle me and we would go to sleep together. And then Mum would find us in the morning, cuddling, and we’d be really embarrassed and she would have that weird smile on her face that she sometimes has when she watches me when I’m talking about Kurt.
      But this wasn’t what happened at all. It was much, much more serious than that. It was the end of something and the beginning of everything.

      I hold Finn’s hand as we walk to his bedroom. Carole instructed me to set him up on his bed and to keep him company while we watched a movie. I know I should do what she asked but… I need answers and I need them now.
      I help Finn onto his bed, making sure he’s comfortable before I set myself down next to him and reach for his hand. He looks at our hands and squeezes mine, smiling happily. He looks up at me and smiles even wider and it takes everything I have not to lean forwards and kiss him senseless right then and there.
     “So, what movie do you feel like watching?” he asks me, settling happily into his pillows and staring at me with his twinkling eyes and mega-watt smile.
      “Finn…” I start, taking a deep breath. “I don’t want to watch a movie right now.”
       Finn frowned. “Oh. What do you want to do then?”
       I want to jump on top of you and kiss your face off. And maybe do other things, too, like…
       I turn red and shrug, looking away from him and crossing my legs to hide myself. “I just… I need to talk to you about something first,” I mumble looking at him shyly.
       Finn stares at me and he  pales a bit. I can tell that he knows this isn’t a talk about just anything. He knows it's serious.
       “Umm… alright…” he says, after awhile. “So… what do you want to talk about?”
        I draw a deep breath. Am I really doing this? This is insane. But I have to know and I have to know now. I have to know everything.
        “Now... Finn, I want you to be honest with me, because… this really matters to me. Alright?”
         Finn looks extremely nervous now and I have to say my heart is just about jumping out of my throat. He nods his head slightly and I take that as a yes, so I pull in all of my courage and begin with the first question.
        “Why would you go to all that trouble to get me my favourite peaches when I’m just you’re friend?” I ask, looking at him carefully.
         Finn turns a little pink, but, after a moment, he replies, “because… because… you’re really awesome… and you aren’t just my friend… you’re family… and I was trying to make things up with you.”
         I smile and nod. I like the sound of being his family, but I need to know what position he means me to be, because I sure as hell don’t want to be his brother.
        “Okay, but why go to all that trouble when you could have just talked to me, which I probably would have appreciated more?”
         Finn frowns “What? I thought you really liked those peaches…” he says, looking confused.
         I nod, “I do, I do… but, Finn…. This is about more than just peaches…” I swallow hard before continuing. “… this is about us.”
         “Oh,” Finn mumbles, looking away, his cheeks flaming. “Umm… what about us?” he whispers, still looking away.
          I sigh. “Finn… I just want to know what you were thinking when you tried to make everything up to me by buying me peaches. What did you hope to get out of it? What were you expecting afterwards? What do you want? What do you want from me? What… how do you feel about me? What am I to you?” I ask, trying to sound as gentle as I can.
          It didn’t seem to work though, because I can tell Finn’s feeling a little overwhelmed. His face is even redder and I can see beads of sweat forming on his upper lip. But at least he’s looking at me now, with shock written all over his frozen face.
          I smile gently at him and whisper, “please, Finn? Can you just tell me the truth?”
          He opens his mouth to speak and whispers hoarsely, “that… that was a lot of questions.”
         “I’m sorry,” I whisper back, leaning back against the wall. “You don’t have to answer me right away… if you need some time…”
          Finn moves his head and looks at me intently before shaking his head. “No, it’s okay… I guess I was just a bit shocked… you’re being… very open,” he mumbles before sitting up a bit and turning towards me. “And that’s good… because, like I’ve said before… it’s better to have everything out in the open,” he said, smiling at me.
           I smile back and I can’t believe he’s being so mature about this. When did Finn grow up so much? But I don’t ponder on this like as he opens his mouth again and my heart starts banging so hard I’m pretty sure the whole world can hear it.
           “… Kurt…” Finn says, sighing and taking a deep breath. Mmmm, I love the way he says my name. “Kurt, I… lately I’ve been having these feelings… feelings that I didn’t know that I had until it was too late.”
           He pauses for a moment and looks down. I hold my breath, waiting anxiously for him to say more.
          “It took a long time for me to realise what it meant… I mean, I was, you know, really happy with Rachel, but there was always something else…. Well someone else on the back of my mind…”
          “You,” he said, looking up at me and I gasped outloud and practically swooned as I saw the softness in his eyes that I knew was just for me. “It was you, Kurt. And I… I didn’t get it… but it made me crazy… especially when I kept mucking up and you were so mad at me… all the time, you barely even talked to me. It really hurt me… and I didn’t realise why until a couple of weeks ago…I didn’t want you to sing with Sam… and I realised it was because… I didn’t want you to like anyone but me.”
           Finn sighs, but continued to stare at me as he talks. “So… yes I was being selfish… but… it was because you’re so… so important to me. But then, you got even madder at me and you never even smiled at me anymore or anything…. I didn’t know how to make it all better… so I came up with a plan to get you a present and I knew you loved those peaches… I thought I had to give you something as a peace offering, because… every time I tried to talk to you… you’d just blow me off – “
          “I’m sorry, Finn,” I whisper, transfixed. Finn shakes his head and reaches over to take my hand, squeezing it gently.
          “It’s not your fault, Kurt… its mine… I should have none from the very beginning that… my feelings for you are… you know… more than just friends feelings…” he mumbles, smiling at me shyly.
          I beam at him and a tear trickles down my face. He reaches over to wipe it away with his finger and I giggle, sighing happily and staring at him. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you to say something like this to me,” I whisper.
          Finn smiles and laughs, “I wish I’d known to tell you sooner, it would have caused so much less trouble,” he says, but then his laughter stops abruptly and he groans.
         “What?” I ask, shaking my head out of my happy spell and frowning at him.
          “Rachel!” Finn said sounding so annoyed it was almost comical.
          “What about her?” I ask, hoping he means what I think he means.
          “I completely forgot about her. I was meant to call her when I got home…. Man, she’s going to hate me. She’s probably been waiting by the phone for hours,” Finn groaned, trying to get up.
          “Hang on, Finn,” I said, pushing him down, “what’s the big hurry?”
          “I have to call her. Can you please go and get me the phone?” Finn asks, looking at me with his puppy dog eyes. I might have melted on the spot if I wasn’t so curious as to why he so desperately wants to talk to his girlfriend after he just admitted his feelings for me.
          “Why? Why do you have to call her?” I ask, knowing I sounded whiny. “After how far we just got together?”
          Finn laughs and reaches forwards, cupping my face in his hands. “We can’t go any further until I speak to Rachel,” he replies, gently.
          “Any further?” I squeak, “what – what do you mean, any further?”
           Finn chuckled and stroked my cheek. “I’m not about to cheat on Rachel, Kurt… so before I can kiss you, which I really, really want to do, I have to talk to Rachel and break things off with her, alright?”
           I stare at him in amazement and nod my head, unable to talk. Is he serious? Is this really happening? This isn’t a dream, is it?
           Finn smiles at me. “It will all be alright soon, Kurt. You just have to go and get me the phone and I’m going to invite Rachel over so I can tell her to her face and then we’re going to be together.” He pauses for a moment. “That is what you want isn’t it?” he asks, sounding a little uncertain.
           I smile widely at him. “How can you even ask that, you know it is!” I say. Unable to contain myself I quickly lean forwards and kiss Finn on the cheek. He looks surprised but there is a big grin on his face as I skip happily out of the room to find the phone.

fic: Peaches, Chapter 5
Title: Peaches, Chapter Five
Author: finurtchel
Rating: R (mainly to keep the whole story together as later chapters are the R parts)
Spoilers: none in this chapter, really.
Warnings: It's nothing bad.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Summary: Finn is involved in a fender-bender while driving Kurt's car.

Author's Comments: Here is the next installment! I hope its alright; I keep writing my stories in the past tense when I want them to be in present tense, so I had to go through and change the tenses in some sections. Hope there aren't any mistakes! If there are now, let me know and I will re-post. I think I kind of need a beta-reader!! Anyway, this chapter has Rachel, Finn and Kurt POV sections and also a conversation between Carole and Kurt, which I hope isn't as awkward as it felt when I wrote it =s. Oh, and sorry for the lack of Finn/Kurt interaction in this, there will be a lot more in the next chapter! Please review, I love constructive criticism! 


       Rachel hurls herself onto me and I can’t help cringing away from her. She’s holding me tightly and it feels really uncomfortable, especially because her arm’s close to digging right into my cla… clap… whatever it is that’s broken.
       “…Rachel,” I whine, my teeth clenched, shoving her off as she starts squeezing me harder. She sobs into my neck, her hot tears leaking down my neck and I would have felt sorry for her if there wasn’t someone else I’d prefer to have crying into my neck, no matter how much it hurt.
       God, that’s so mean. I glance guiltily at Kurt, whose looking determinedly in the other direction with a blank expression on his face, as Rachel reluctantly withdraws her arms and stood up to wipe her sleeves over her eyes. I look quickly away from Kurt so she that she won’t notice me staring at him.
      She stares at me and I try my best to give her a reassuring smile. She smiles back weakly and sits down heavily on the bed beside me, resting her hand on my chest.
      “I’m so… I’m so glad you’re okay,” she whispers, reaching forwards and stroking my face. I flinch slightly at her touch, which makes her frown unhappily so I gently lift my good hand and put it over her hand on my chest.
      “Me, too,” I reply softly, “it’s good to be able to see you again,” I add. Hey, shut up, I’m a nice guy and it’s in my nature to be nice even if I don’t mean it. Oh, dammit. What would Kurt think of me?
      She sniffs and fresh tears leak out of her eyes. “I thought… I thought I was going to have to sing to you in a coma!” she moans, leaning forwards and resting her head on my chest.
       I sigh and reach up to stroke her hair, trying to be comforting. But I’m not really paying much attention to her as she keeps mumbling words into my chest because Kurt is right there and he’s standing up.
       “Where are you going?” I blurt out, startling Rachel out of speech at the sudden loudness of my voice, but it didn’t seem to make much of a response out of Kurt.
       He just merely glances at me before saying, in a bored voice, “I’m going down to the canteen. I do need some kind of nutrients to live, you know, Finn. And it seems you are well covered right now so I didn’t think you’d miss me.”
       Before I could reply he turns away and walks out. I open my mouth to call out to him but Rachel lifts her head as if sensing it and covers my lips with her own.
       It doesn’t feel like it used to. There used to be a spark between us whenever we kissed but now… it just felt like nothing. I try to kiss her back though because, you know, the last thing I need right now is to have Rachel being more upset than she already is.
       She smiles against the kiss before moving away and looking at me with a smile on her face.
       “I love you, Finn Hudson,” she said, beaming at me.
I froze for a moment.
       “I… I love you, too, Rachel,” I said and as soon as I said it at I knew for sure that it just wasn’t true anymore and I had no idea what I was going to do about it.
       Not that that was anything new.


       It was Rachel and she was here to ruin everything. I can’t tell if I felt relief or disappointment to have my almost-confession interrupted, but I know that under no circumstances do I want Rachel here fawning all over Finn when I should be and when I want all of his attention to himself.
       I watch helplessly as she flings herself onto Finn, and even though I’m not stupid enough to forget that that probably hurt Finn a hell of a lot, I wish that I could do that. I wish that I could just fling by body down onto his and hold him and that he would stroke my hair and kiss my forehead. But I will never have that, will I?
      I look away from Rachel and Finn and stare up at the ceiling. I can hear their mumbling voices but I try my hardest not to listen in, because hearing Little Miss Prissy Pants murmur sweet nothings to Finn is the last thing I want to hear, not to mention his replies.
      I block my ears from them as hard as I can, but it doesn’t stop the pain. I know that no matter what Finn is always going to be with Rachel and they are cuddling on the hospital bed right next to me and Finn is probably telling her how much he loves her in a way that I have imagined him talking to me every night for two years. I have even imagined him saying such things when I was supposed to be mad at him, which grew so frustrating I can’t even explain how much. All that effort at being angry and trying to hate him has come down to nothing; look where I am now, by his hospital bed, taking all of the things he did to me back because he almost died, which made me realise that life without Finn wasn’t a life at all and I would never again throw that away because of pride.
     Finn was much more important to me than that and I had to forgive him now. I had to forgive him for everything because… because I was still in love with him and it was never going to go away. No matter how hard I tried Finn was always going to hold a place in my heart, a place that I will never have in his, no matter how hard I try to get there.
    Biting back a sob, I jump up off my chair as smoothly as I can and start to walk out of the room, but Finn’s startled voice interrupts me.
    “Where are you going?” he asks me and I am surprised because it sounds scared and like he genuinely cares about me. Which I assume he does care about me, nonetheless, judging by our rather sweet and mushy talk before, but that didn’t stop him putting all of attention on Rachel at the click of a button. I can’t be in here any longer trying to fight this pain when all I want was to cry and scream and punch Rachel in the face.
     I take a deep breath. “I’m going down to the canteen. I do need some kind of nutrients to live, you know, Finn. And it seems you are well covered right now so I didn’t think you’d miss me,” I reply in the most deadpan voice I could muster before walking out of the room with my head held high; I’m so fast that I didn’t catch the look on Finn’s face.


     Rachel leaves an hour later and I’m glad because I really didn’t want her to stay any longer. My hand hurts because she was squeezing my hand too hard and my ears hurt because she was talking too much and I don’t know how I managed to put up with it, especially since I don’t love her anymore.
    I groan outloud and close my eyes. I am the meanest person in the world. The whole time Rachel was here I barely paid any attention to her and kept feeling my eyes moving to the door, hoping each time that Kurt would walk in. But he never did and he still wasn’t back. Why hasn’t he come back? Does he hate me? Why can’t he just come back and tell me what he was going to tell me before Rachel butted in?
    I want to die. I’m with Rachel and I don’t love her and I have no idea what to do about it. I’m not with Kurt and all I want is to be with him and I don’t even know what that really means. I am just so confused.
    I try to close my eyes thinking that I should maybe sleep on it.
    But that doesn’t work. I can’t even concentrate on sleeping.
    My eyes feel funny and the pillow feels lumpy and the mattress is hard.
    The people I love aren’t here.
    The people I don’t love aren’t here either.
     I’m all alone again.
    There is nothing to distract me from the thoughts rushing around my head.
     How do I tell Rachel that I don’t love her?
     How do I let Kurt know how important he is to me? Properly this time.
     What is actually going on with me and Kurt?
     What are my true feelings?
      Do... Do… I… like… am I… in… oh, I can’t even finish that question right now.
      I wish I had died in the car accident so I didn’t have to worry about living.
     Oh, god. What is happening to me? That isn’t me.
     I love life. Life just doesn’t love me.


     I find Carole in the canteen, sitting in the coffee place. She is staring off into space, her hands gripping her coffee mug. They look white they are so tense.
     I quickly walk over to her and sit down beside her, putting a hand on her back gently.
     “Are you alright, Carole?” I ask her, quietly.
      She looks at me and shrugs, taking a sip of her coffee. “I don’t like hospitals, they freak me out,” she says, smiling at me slightly.
      I smile back. “Me, too. It’s a horrifying place. This is the third time I’ve been here… you know, because of someone I care about,” I say, looking away before adding, “at least this time and the last haven’t ended in tragedy.”
      Carole looks at me sadly and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You must miss her,” she says, gently.
      I nod, a tear trickling down my cheek which I quickly wipe away.
      “You poor thing,” Carole says and when she says it, it doesn’t sound patrionising like it does on some people. She pauses and then, “can I ask you something?”
      I look away. “I… I’m sorry, Carole… I don’t really want to talk about my mother… or how she died… it’s too much.”
      “Oh, honey,” Carole says, and for some reason she sounds guilty. “I understand that. I wasn’t actually going to ask about her, I had something else in mind… but you’re always welcome to talk to me about her if…if you ever feel like you want to.”
       I look at her in surprise and smile. “Oh. Well… thanks.” I mumble.
      “Anytime, sweetheart, anytime.”
       I nod. Carole is no nice; she sort of reminds me of my own mother sometimes.
       “So… what did you want to ask me?”
        Carole clears her throat. “Well… I was just thinking… I’ve noticed how close… you and Finn have been… since his accident… and I guess I never paid so much attention before… though I have noticed you haven’t been speaking to him in weeks and he… he was always so upset about that… ranting on about how you weren’t talking to him… it was really upsetting him.”
       She pauses and I hold my breath. I’m pretty sure I know where this is going but I so don’t want to have this conversation with Carole right now. Or with anyone. Or EVER.
      “I was just wondering…. Are you… are you in love with my son?”
       My face turns all hot and I stare at her. I try to say something but I’m pretty sure Carole doesn’t want a reply. I can tell by the way she looks at my red face that she already knows and there’s no point denying it. So I say the next best thing I can and blurt out, “please, please don’t tell him! I would die!”
      Carole’s lips twitch and I’m pretty sure she would have laughed if I didn’t look do distressed. Instead she shakes her head and puts a consoling hand on my shoulder. “I would never to do that, honey, but you know… I’d really consider telling him yourself.”
      I stare at her. “Why would I do that? I’ve already embarrassed myself enough.”
      Carole just looks at me. “I’m just telling you what I think and I think that Finn would really, really want to know that,” she said, heavily stating the “really’s” and looking at me with a bit of twinkle in her eyes.
      Before I can ask what she means by this, she stands up quickly and walks around the table.
      “Are you coming?” she asks, holding out her hand to me as if I’m her small child.
      I stand up and walk over, slipping my hand in her’s.
      “Where are we going?” I ask her stupidly.
      She smiles happily before saying, “it’s time for us to bring our boy home.”

Chapter 6: This Is About More Than Just Peaches


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